Day 532

NIN - Piggy

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Work today. yuck. I almost fell asleep 3 times at the desk


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A) Scott and I discussed the 'art' of blogging. Ummm...and that might sound really silly and totally pretentious...and it probably is...but sometimes I take this blogging thing seriously.

I try to create an experience. The use of visual, auditory and literary (if could even call it that) elements to create an overall idea.

Sometimes it's fun, and sometimes it's sad. But...it just experience for the sake of experience.

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B) Stacy and I were talking about the lost 'art' of mix tapes. Chuck Klosterman once wrote about the emotional subtleties one tried to throw together for a mix tape. He spoke more specifically about mix tapes he made for woman he was pursuing at one time or another. He knew (or hoped) that a girl needed to listen to a mix tape at least once all the way through...being that it was a tape. One would sit for a long time trying to piece together the prefect setlist to tell someone something.

I love you.

I hate you.

Lets take a drive.

whatever...

but at any rate...making mixes is a lot art form. Sure, you can make mix cds...or playlists...but no matter what you have the ability to just skip around...missing out on the emotional goal of the mixer.


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I speak of these two things because I doubt people take advantage of what I try to do. If I had to guess...I would say only about 50% of the people that look at this blog listen to any of the music I ever post, or watch the videos I post.

I am not mad...it's just the way it is. People have the ability to just skip around.


And that is why I sometimes think this blog is a gigantic piece of shit.

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but I still do this anyways.





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dammit. I fucked up big time.












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update
(4:56 AM)




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It's like a lucid dream.

You are aware of everything.

And it is good.

You hang on because you don't want it to leave.

You have a fear that it's fleeting.

And you hold on as long as you can.

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But you know eventually you are going to wake up and everything will reset.

But it's not like the switching of the poles.

Not even as simple as something like washing the dishes.

You can't just pull this feeling out again.

And use.

And clean it.

And put it back.

And reuse.

And re-clean it.

et cetera.

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It's the only type of reset you can feel when you wake up.

It is good.

You hung on.

You remember.

And everything seems to be in it's right place.


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You can't use that feeling again.

But thats okay.

Because you had it for a short time,

and you held it with solicitude

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And then...

shuffle.

Reset.

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but I never actually fell asleep. Therefore...I never woke up...and thusly...I never reset...


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You are awake, and can't fall back asleep.


But you held on.

And it will be okay.

Because it makes you smile


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It's over

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I mean really...What else am I supposed to do @ 4:56 AM?

Go for a run?

eff that shit.


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